Table of Contents
- Background and Introduction
- Introduction to RSD Triggers
- Autistic Traits and Features That May Contribute to RSD
- Summary
- References
Background and Introduction
This is the second part to our toolkit in a series addressing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). In Toolkit #1, we explored why Autistic people might be especially sensitive to rejection and judgment, and what RSD is – a co-occurring experience where perceived rejection or criticism triggers intense emotional pain.
This section will explore RSD triggers. It explains the factors that cause this experience, and how it uniquely affects Autistic individuals. Readers will also learn about real-life impacts of RSD on relationships, work, and mental health.
In a later section of our toolkit in this series, we’ll learn that there is no quick fix for RSD, but there are practical ways and self-help strategies that can make a difference. Whether you experience RSD yourself or want to support someone who does, this toolkit series provides validation, insight, and tools to navigate the challenges of living with RSD.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Toolkit Series:
- Part 1 - An Introduction
- Part 2 - Understanding RSD Triggers
- Part 3 - Autism, RSD and Mental Health
- Part 4 - Impact on Daily Life
- Part 5 - Managing RSD
Introduction to RSD Triggers
You’re having a perfectly fine day. Out of nowhere, someone – a teacher, a boss, a parent, a friend - says, “I need to talk to you for a second.” Suddenly, your stomach drops, your heart races, you feel a stabbing tightness in your chest, you tell yourself you’re about to be fired, grounded, or ‘dumped’ by a friend or a partner because some awful thing you must have done is about to be exposed!
You begin to cry and then you leave – quit! – before your manager can speak to you. Or maybe you run away from home before Dad can lecture you. You slam doors. You yell at your partner, yell and yell until you are hoarse. What is happening?
A rejection-sensitive dysphoria ‘switch’ was flipped: seconds ago, you were fine, and now you’re losing it. You perceived or experienced actual rejection and you are devastated. Welcome to the unbearable reality of RSD.
For many Autistic people, the prospect of rejection—real or perceived—is an intensely negative experience. A trigger for this kind of experience can be anything that communicates rejection or disapproval directed at you. It can be a social situation, the look on someone’s face, their tone of voice, or a text message that was read but never answered. One second you're quite content, but the next moment you're convinced everyone secretly despises you as wave after wave of shame washes over you and feeds your rage or your self-loathing. It may sound dramatic, but the response is authentic. RSD is an instant reaction, and the emotions that accompany it are painful and heavy.
Sometimes triggers, if and when reconsidered or investigated, turn out to be misunderstandings. That “angry face” was someone lost in thought. The text from Mom to get home right now? She surprised you with a new kitten. The boss is walking towards your desk? She wanted to offer you a book she thought you'd enjoy.
No matter. With RSD, the person is ever-vigilant and on the lookout for signs of social danger—rejection—and a facial expression interpreted to be ‘angry’ can set off an RSD crash with as much pain and intensity as literal rejection.
When describing the RSD experience for Autistic people, these two things are true: perceived rejection can hurt even when it’s unintentional, and rejection really does happen to Autistic people more often than it should. In our ableist society, non-Autistic social expectations are held as the standard; in other words, ‘this is how everyone should do it’. Therein lies the core of the issue. Autistic traits and features don’t naturally lend themselves to that—specifically, our alternative ways of communicating and socializing—which make Autistic people vulnerable to disapproval and rejection.
As Autistic people, we frequently get turned down any time we ask someone on a date or to just hang out…and when it comes to employment? Even when we are as qualified as non-Autistic candidates, we are often perceived more negatively in job interviews.1 Rejection is part of our reality, not our imagination. Autistic people simply experience rejection more often than others. These experiences are layered on top of childhoods where Autistic children are actually being rejected more often than different groups of peers.2 Some researchers even write about social rejection as though it's already a widely accepted reality for Autistic people, which reflects just how deeply this issue is embedded in both lived experience and academic literature.3
It seems that one of the consequences of those negative life events is that RSD can grow in the absence of acceptance by society. When it does, it seems that rejection, correction, exclusion and judgment threaten in every social situation.
The truth is, once the emotional response is triggered, it happens fast and overwhelms all reasoning. There is no off switch. But learning about RSD—and recognizing the kinds of situations that tend to light that emotional fuse—can give Autistic people an opportunity to identify triggers and avoid them whenever possible. It won’t stop a RSD ’crash’ from happening, but can make them less frequent.
Autistic Traits and Features That May Contribute to RSD
Being Autistic is a perfectly fine way to be human. We love, we learn, we reason, we strive for more, we laugh, we hurt, and we cry. And yet, we still struggle for acceptance. Autistic people don’t start out expecting rejection, yet it comes nevertheless.
From a young age, Autistic people are judged not just for what we do, but for how we are. The ways we speak, connect with others, move, learn and experience the world around us are approached like problems to be corrected. We may be excluded, labelled as difficult, or even punished for the natural ways our neurology guides us. This is not because we have poor character, a desire to be difficult, or are somehow inferior to others. It is just because we are Autistic.
This is the environment in which RSD thrives.
Over time, this constant negative feedback teaches us something powerful: being our authentic selves comes with consequences. They will avoid us and reject us; chastise us and shame us. In response, we may start scanning every social interaction for signs that we’ve done it again, unintentionally…said the wrong thing or didn’t say enough, and now someone is eager to tell us our behaviour was unacceptable—we are unacceptable.
The message comes through loud and clear: we’re not accepted as we are—we are accepted when we hide who we are. Autistic people learn, from a young age, that to be included, we have to suppress and hide any Autistic behaviours and perform a version of neurotypical that is never quite enough for others, and is too much for our well-being.
This kind of hypervigilance provides the ideal circumstances for RSD to take hold. It connects with people who are already watching for rejection—people who’ve lived through it so many times, it becomes an anticipated part of their lives. Why do so many of us experience RSD?
Part of the answer as to why we are so at risk for RSD may lie in the very ways we express our Autistic selves. What follows are several Autistic traits and features that may contribute to that risk.
- Sensory Sensitivities
Sensory differences shape the way Autistic people experience the world, including social interactions. Our experience of the sensory environment doesn’t just shape how the world feels for us; it can contribute to how interactions are perceived. Unremarkable or even friendly social moments can feel like rejection depending on the person’s sensory profile and past sensory experiences.
When signals are too loud, too soft, too close, or too far away, it’s easy to misinterpret intent. Someone standing too close may feel threatening to us, but if they stand too far away, they can seem distant or uninterested. A loud, friendly, animated voice may come across as angry to some Autistic people.
Even touch and smell can communicate unintended social messages. Pulling away from a tight hug may be misread as rejecting affection and thus, rejecting the person; a reaction to a strong perfume or food smells might cause someone to step back suddenly, which could be misinterpreted by others as rudeness. Sensory memories also play a role. A certain cologne, a loud cafeteria, or a particular setting can bring back emotions tied to past rejection, making an interaction emotionally painful even when nothing bad is happening in the present moment.
Consider, for example, an Autistic person who once felt humiliated by a friend at a park on a crisp autumn morning. They may now always connect falling leaves and the smell of damp earth with that rejection. That association can be so strong that they avoid similar settings altogether, skipping out on a group hike or feeling unexpectedly low while raking leaves. The past isn’t just remembered—it’s relived, making rejection feel fresh, even in a situation where nothing is actually wrong.
For an Autistic person, the reality of these kinds of experiences can lead to rejection and criticism.
Learn more here: Sensory and Motor Strategies Collection
- Black-and-White Thinking
Black-and-white thinking is part of the diagnostic criteria for autism. This is where diagnosing clinicians look for inflexible adherence to routines, the tendency to see things as right or wrong/ good or bad with no room for flexibility or grey areas. This feature can make rejection feel like an undeniable fact or a foregone conclusion. Let me explain.
For many Autistic people, the world is made up of clear-cut rules, making it hard to see rejection as anything but absolute. If a coworker rushes past without saying hello, it is clear proof they’re being ignored, rather than considering that the person might be late for a meeting. If a friend declines an invitation by saying, “Not tonight, I’m exhausted,” the Autistic person can spiral into catastrophic thinking: They don’t want to see me. They never want to see me. They probably don’t even like me anymore. Instead of asking again another time, they may avoid the friend altogether, convinced they have already been rejected. It is easy to see how black-and-white thinking can contribute to experiencing rejection.
- Difficulty Addressing Conflict
Difficulty with resolving conflict is part of the diagnosis criteria for autism under the social communication category, as this ability is essential for developing and maintaining friendships and other relationships.
Conflict is painful for most people, but for Autistic individuals, it can feel impossible to resolve. If a friend calmly explains why they’re upset—maybe the Autistic person forgot their birthday or made an unintentionally blunt comment—the Autistic person may focus entirely on the fact that their friend is upset. They are not able to consider, in the emotional throes of anticipating certain rejection, that a simple apology would repair the situation.
Even with reassurance, an Autistic person may believe the friendship cannot be saved: They’re just being polite. They hate me. I messed everything up. If confrontation is too overwhelming, they might not find the words to respond at all, leading to situational mutism or complete avoidance. Instead of fixing the problem, they withdraw, convinced the other person has already written them off. The Autistic person may avoid being rejected by removing themselves from a friendship or relationship that feels like a ‘ticking time bomb’, where something bad—rejection—is going to happen soon and for certain.
The inability to see occasional conflict as a natural part of friendships or romantic relationships makes every misstep feel damning and permanent. If an Autistic person is unable to challenge their worst case-scenario assumptions, the result may be very unfortunate. They may avoid people who enjoyed their company and never intended to reject them in the first place.
- Masking and Rejection
Masking—hiding Autistic traits to fit in—can make an Autistic person feel rejected more intensely, even when no one is actually rejecting them. When someone spends their entire life carefully monitoring how they speak and behave just to be accepted, any sign of disapproval can feel like proof that they are not good enough. For example, an Autistic person might spend hours rehearsing scripted responses for a job interview, making sure they use the words, tone, and facial expressions that non-Autistic people have assured them are appropriate. If the interviewer responds in a way that seems indifferent—maybe they don’t say very much or spend a few seconds looking at their phone—the Autistic person might feel like a failure. I tried so hard, and they aren’t interested in hiring me. No one is ever going to hire me. They may go down a rabbit hole of negative and critical self-talk. They are convinced of being rejected by another employer. Masking demands so much emotional and physical energy that even impartial and unbiased interactions or feedback can feel devastating. This can reinforce the belief that the Autistic person must hide their authentic self and ‘act’ perfectly non-Autistic to avoid rejection.
Learn more here: Masking and Mental Health
- Literal Thinking
Autistic people often take words at face value, which can lead to misunderstandings that feel like rejection. If someone says, “Let’s hang out sometime,” the Autistic person might interpret that as a real plan, expecting the person to follow up with a date and time. When that doesn’t happen, they might feel led on or rejected, even though the other person was just making casual conversation. Sarcasm and jokes can also be confusing. If a friend says to them, “Wow, that’s unbelievable,” after they tell them what happened on their week off, the Autistic person might think the friend believes they are not telling the truth. Because we tend to do best with clear and straight-forward word choices, then vague language, teasing or sarcasm can leave us feeling shamed, excluded, invalidated, disliked and rejected when that was never the other person’s intent. These misunderstandings make social interactions exhausting. Filled with unspoken rules and hidden meanings, literal thinking is just another opportunity for Autistic people to perceive negative intent from others as they move through life.
- Interpreting Non-Verbal Communication and Hidden Social Expectations of Non-Autistics
One of the key identifying features of the Autistic identity is the challenge in understanding the intentions of others based on their facial expressions, body language, or tone of voice. While Autistics may feel comfortable in this aspect of communication among their Autistic peers, understanding the expectations and meaning that non-Autistics are relaying can be a significant challenge.
Similarly, the Autistic person may not know what they are conveying with their body language, tone of voice or facial expression to non-Autistics. A flat expression may be incorrectly translated to mean ‘indifferent’ or ‘bored’, while a head resting on a bended elbow at a desk or table may be determined to be rude and inappropriate. As a result of the Autistic and non-Autistic cultures communicating in different non-verbal ways, the Autistic person may grow up with constant reprimands and rejection of how they move through the world. Over time, the Autistic person may come to expect disapproval and may anticipate negative responses based on the facial expressions of those around them.
- Hyperfocus on Social Details
Many Autistic people have the ability to focus on small details that others may miss, and this skill can also extend to how we respond to and interpret social cues. This can be a strength, though in social interactions, it can also be overwhelming. A slightly delayed text response might feel like deliberate ignoring, while a subtle change in a friend’s tone or shift in facial expression may confirm disinterest or rejection. Seeing a friend spending time with another friend might feel like a devastating rejection to an Autistic person with RSD, even though it’s a casual hangout with no hidden meaning.
The ability to pick up on tiny details—like changes in facial expressions, pauses in conversation, or a slight shift in tone—can make an Autistic person more likely to assume rejection, even when there’s no real reason to do so.
- Past Experiences of Rejection
For many Autistic people, rejection has become something they regularly experience. If someone has spent years being excluded, ignored, or mocked for being different, the brain starts to assume rejection is inevitable. It often starts in elementary school, where the other kids don’t want to play with us, or we are chosen last for team activities. Many go through elementary school without ever receiving an invite to a birthday party.
As we move through our teen years, we may be turned down for part-time jobs, never get asked out on a date, or never have an offer of a date accepted. Enter adulthood and there’s more of the deafening silence of job applications that never get responses, interviews that rarely result in a job offer, and employment that frequently ends up in termination. To say that many Autistics are wired for rejection by the time we reach adulthood would be an understatement. Rejection sensitive? You bet.
- Past Trauma and Social Threats
Growing up Autistic in a non-Autistic world takes courage… courage Autistic children and adults should not have to muster day after day. Many Autistic people develop Complex PTSD from years of exclusion, teasing, and sensory overload. Autistic people may experience complex- PTSD for several reasons: ongoing physical bullying, ridicule, sensory and social overwhelm, painful social exclusion and rejection, and constant corrections from teachers and parents. These experiences build up, and eventually the person may perceive a potential threat in any environment. Autistic people who have experienced a catastrophic event or abuse can develop trauma in the form of PTSD. Also, Autistic people in care facilities may be at risk of victimization.
Learn more here: Becoming more Trauma Informed collection
- Emotional Regulation
Emotional regulation is not part of the diagnostic criteria for autism, but for many Autistic people, it can be one of the most challenging parts of everyday life. Autistic people often experience emotions very deeply. They may cry easily, react strongly to injustice, or struggle to contain sadness or frustration. In childhood, this can result in meltdowns or shutdowns: one Autistic child may cry endlessly when a popsicle breaks then throw the remaining piece of the treat across the room; another Autistic child may become inert and unresponsive when someone tries to interact. These visible emotional responses often fade as the child matures, but emotional regulation can remain a challenge for some.
Even in adulthood, it may take significant effort to manage emotional responses. An Autistic employee who is reprimanded might cry uncontrollably, unable to mask their reaction. A disappointing moment might lead someone to lay their head on the table in a restaurant or refuse to go inside altogether. These responses are not dramatic acts or attention-seeking; they reflect deep emotional pain. Unfortunately, others often misinterpret them, leading to social rejection.
Some Autistic people hold in their feelings all day, then need solitude and quiet to recover. Others may be unsure how to respond emotionally in social settings. For example, if a co-worker shares that their pet bird died, the Autistic person may not understand the depth of that loss. They may watch others respond first, then offer a delayed condolence. That hesitation, though rooted in a desire to respond appropriately, can lead to negative judgments.
Learn more here: Emotional Regulation and Dysregulation in Autism: Considerations in Adulthood
- Alexithymia
Some Autistic people have another unique experience as it pertains to emotions, called Alexithymia. This means that we can have trouble identifying what we are feeling and then describing those emotions to others. Alexithymia does not mean an absence of feeling—in fact, Autistic people often feel things very intensely—but knowing what emotion is welling up inside of us can be difficult to identify as it is happening.
While Alexithymia is a common co-occurring trait for Autistic people, the two together can be challenging. For example, during a difficult day, a working mother may not notice the emotional toll of various perceptions of rejection. Her manager asks her to redo a part of a project. She ate lunch alone—again. Her idea for someone’s retirement gift was not adopted. She feels lousy by the end of the day, but she cannot pinpoint why. On the drive home, she processes all that has happened and she is overwhelmed with feelings of rejection and the shame that comes with not feeling accepted. For those with Alexithymia, the pain of rejection may be very intense as they come to understand the cause of their emotions.
Learn more here: Alexithymia & Autism: When you don’t know what emotion(s) you are feeling
Summary
Autistic people may be particularly vulnerable to RSD due to the perfect storm of traits that shape the Autistic experience, and leaving many wide open to its impact. A brain wired for detail, literal thinking, and heightened sensory perception creates countless opportunities for experiencing actual rejection and for perceiving harmless interactions as rejection as well.
Past experiences of exclusion and rejection reinforce the expectation of social injury, making hyper-vigilance to signs of rejection feel more like a self-defence strategy. The combination of these uniquely Autistic factors makes RSD more than an emotional reaction—it morphs into an ongoing daily challenge. Recognizing the role of these traits does not change the challenge of co-occurring RSD for Autistic people, but it helps to explain why it manifests with such intensity in Autistic people.
Next: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Part 3 - Autism, RSD and Mental Health
References
- Norris, J. E., Nicholson, J., Prosser, R., Farrell, J., Remington, A., Crane, L., Hull, L., & Maras, K. (2024). Perceptions of autistic and non-autistic adults in employment interviews: The role of impression management. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 112, 1-16. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rasd.2024.102333
- Symes, W., & Humphrey, N. (2010). Peer-group indicators of social inclusion among pupils with autistic spectrum disorders (ASD) in mainstream secondary schools: A comparative study. School Psychology International, 31(5), 478–494. https://doi.org/10.1177/0143034310382496
- Gurbuz, E., Riby, D. M., South, M., & Hanley, M. (2024). Associations between autistic traits, depression, social anxiety and social rejection in autistic and non-autistic adults. Scientific Reports, 14, 1-8. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-024-59532-3
